I wish I'd had my camera this morning. If I did, I would have handed it to any passerby at Trader Joe's. Cody was at preschool, so Nate and I went grocery shopping.
I think I've turned a corner recently. The corner I'd been looking for on that long, narrow path I've been walking for 9 months. I really wasn't sure when I'd find this turn in the road. But, I really think I have.
So, there we were in TJ's. I had Nate facing outward in the Bjorn and was wearing him proudly. Yes, I saw a few of the "oh, poor woman" glances, but mostly I got really kind smiles. But after about 10 minutes, Nate had no interest in looking around. He began searching for me. I didn't have his hearing aids in, so he couldn't really hear me and just had to feel for me. So, he turned his head as far as he could and looked up. I kissed his forehead and he just nuzzled right in. Awww, it felt so goooooood. He just kept stretching that thick little neck of his to try to get just a little closer and nuzzle more. I paused in the dairy section and just soaked it all in. I nuzzled right back.
For a moment, I thought I should turn him around to face me so we could continue our lovefest. But, I didn't want anybody else to miss out on his sweet face and smiles.
This is such a huge shift from those first weeks after he was born. I have such clear memories of keeping him concealed in his carseat while I was out and about. I was embarrassed to be his mom. I'm not saying every day is a walk in the park or that I don't still get sad, but I am saying I see little Nate differently now and am proud to be his mom.